Notions of Success

While thinking of ideas for my upcoming paper on notions of success, I thought of a few that would be interesting. One of them, Dr. Ashe mentioned to me last year when I first told her I was taking The Art of Living. Often people associate getting ahead with living a successful life, and frequently those who are deemed "successful" in life are very intelligent. Intelligence seems to be valued very highly in our society, but can you live a successful life with a below average intelligence? My younger sister has down syndrome, and recent US studies have indicated that when Down syndrome is diagnosed prenatally, 84% to 91% of those babies will be killed by abortion. (http://www.physiciansforlife.org/content/view/1301/26/)

Why is it that people assume that their child will not be "successful" enough to even have the chance to live? This raises big questions to me about what it means to be successful in life. When I look at my sister, who is only four years old, I already see a wonderfully loving person who will clearly have postive contriutions to our society, but I wonder if others see her as not unsuccessful because she won't be as quick as other kids her age.

I'm not sure if this is what I want to write about, but I can see it making a compelling paper about notions of success.

Biggest Regret...

Being a runner, I've heard so many coaches say things like, "Leave nothing out on the track!," " No Regrets!" etc. Maybe I've heard these types of slogans too many times because I have to say, I really don't think I have any major regrets. I mean, there aren't many college students who can say they don't regret having a few too many drinks, saying something stupid, or eating 7 layer nachos late at night, only to have an icky stomach the next day- those I'd classify as small insignificant everyday regrets, but as for my "biggest" regret, I guess I'd say it isn't a regret at all.

My biggest"non-regret" happened my freshman year. It's an amazing thing when you graduate high school-you lose any reputation you used to have, and get this chance to start anew so to speak. You go somewhere where almost no one knows you, and get a chance to make a new impression. I had braces through the end of my junior year of high school, and never really had a boyfriend. The idea of going on a date seemed far off for me. Coming to UNCW, there was this whole new world of parties and dating, and guys who were slightly more mature and seemed to look a little deeper- I guess what I'm trying to say is, all of the sudden, I wasn't a scared high schooler, and there were actually some boys who wanted to date me. I loved it. One of these guys was my best friend for the entirety of freshman year. He literally would do anything at all that I asked. That was the first thing I noticed about him. Once, only a few days after we'd met, I lost my wallet, and after calling him in somewhat of a panic, he came over right away to help me look for it. He would have dropped anything to help me. We had more fun together and a more natural connection than I'd ever really felt before, but as for being anything more than best friends never really occurred to me. I guess he saw things differently. At the time I saw nothing wrong with spending every day with him, letting him in on everything going on in my life, and even saying "I love you" to each other frequently. I saw him like a brother, despite the fact that we'd flirt and sometimes go out together. I just didn't understand how boundaries are different when you have a best guy friend- they can't do all the things girls do together, and we got WAY too close. Everyone assumed we were dating, and sometimes I wouldn't bother correcting them. When I found out for sure, that he cared about me in way beyond a platonic sense, it was too late- I had gone too far. I'd led him on for awhile, maybe because I had such strong feelings for him, and I can't lie and say the attention he paid me didn't contribute. Eventually things fell- and fell hard. It took a lot of mean things being said, and hurt feelings for our friendship to dissolve completely. Yet, I still refuse to call this a regret, because I learned so much about friendships, relationships, love, boundaries, college, and life. I would probably go through it again. I regret the pain I caused him, but I can't say I would change things, because by the time we got through it all, he and I had gained a lot.

To be continued...

The Stoics and The Epicurians- First Impressions

While I was reading the latest class readings- Epicurus and Epictetus, I looked up what Stoics were as a refresher and I was introduced to what Epicureans are. However, before I looked up what stoicism is, my first thought was just what the word "stoic" means.

*When I think of stoic, I think of stern, emotionless, etc.*

While reading Epictetus, I took some notes & ended up getting 2 main ideas from him. One of the two was the whole idea of repression of reactions and emotions aka having a stoic kind of attitude. As for epicureans, I saw a lot of similarities and I thought I even saw something about Epicurus having connections to stoicism, or his ideas being founded in it. However, I didn't notice as much in his writings about mind or matter, controlling of emotions kind of thing. They seemed a little more laid back and interested in other people than the stoics in my first impression. The funny thing to me was that I liked a lot of what Epictetus wrote, and agreed with a lot of his ideas, however being the emotional person I am, I found myself disagreeing with some of his ideas about how to react or not react, but I also found myself learning a little about how to remain calm...

My Obvious Personality

When I first saw the results of my personality test I was slightly thrown off. I scored an ESFJ. I've taken similar tests before and although I think I may have scored ESFJ twice, I have more frequently scored ENFJ, and have always thought of myself as an ENFJ. When I took the test in class, I only scored a 1 on the sensing. This makes me think that I could go either way depending on what kind of mood I'm in or what I'm doing at the time of taking the test. When I read the descriptions for ENFJ & ESFJ, I see myself in both of them- so all in all I guess it's not a big deal, I can just go either way.

I entitled this blog "my obvious personality" because I've never wrestled with what kind of personality I have. I am very extroverted, (I scored a 99% on the extroversion part of this test) and I am all about feeling. Thinking is important, but a lot of the time, my feelings take precedent. I care a lot about others, and am empathetic. Recently when my roommate broke up with her long time boyfriend, I was alarmed how intensely I felt her pain when I saw her upset. Another aspect of my personality is that I tend to want to lead and take care of others. I guess these are the basic & obvious aspects of my personality that don't take much to figure out, but they are also key parts of being an ENFJ/ ESFJ.

The key things I see in ESFJ that reflect who I am are:

-One account I read called ESFJs "The Caregiver"

-ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls.

-All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest.

-ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others

- I could go on, but there's not enough time, to read the full account go here:
http://typelogic.com/enfj.html or http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ.html


I found less of myself in ENFJs:

-The first account I read for ENFJs called them "Givers" rather than caregivers

-ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

After reading both I seem to agree with how extroverted and "people loving" ENFJs are, but there were many other parts I didn't quite see in my personality whereas in the accounts of ESFJs I saw much more of myself, so I suppose this last test got it right. The older I get, the more I understand of myself, and as I mature smaller aspects of who I am change and grow.